Brand New Me

It's been a little over a month being at my new home and I've been adjusting pretty well. I feel like I've changed as a person. I am a lot more confident in what I have to say and how I want to express myself. I've been engaging and doing everything I could because opportunity only happens so many times. I want to be able to grasp all the options I have and knowing I tried is what really matters to me.

When I say, "Brand New Me," a lot of people may wonder what I mean by that, so let me take some time to elaborate on what I really mean. As I've mentioned in my previous blog, I've been accepted into this amazing program. There is only one thing I feel constantly is "grateful" because I am given the opportunity to enhance my hidden skills I've never knew about and being able to know myself a little more. I used to be someone who never really cared about my appearances, had very bad time management, and was not a very detailed or organized person. I have to say, this program have definitely pushed me over my limits.

I am proud to say, I dress like a professional every single day and I am at least one hour early to make sure I can do some last minute things I haven't completed or need to brush up on. People would say, "Why do you come here so early?" My answer of course would be, "I would rather be early than late." Like, I've mentioned I was a person who never really manged my time wisely, so I was constantly procrastinating (not that I don't do that now, but I am working on it) and not being aware of what needs to be done. I improved by making a list of things I have to do. For example, when I go grocery shopping I will prepare a list of things I need to buy and I try to break things down from needs/wants. 

I am not ashamed to admit, but I lived at home probably all my life. This move was definitely a milestone or biggest change of my life. I've been preparing my own meals and packing my own lunch. We all know when you work in a financial area or district food are higher than normal because business owners tend to overprice their stuff. I can't say I don't go out and eat at all, but I am a lot more considerate in how I spend my money and where I spend my money. Things just aren't the same because I am on my own and I have to take the time to figure out what is necessary and what is now. 

Before, I moved I thought I would never cook and the only thing I would cook is Ramen. The first thing I did when I moved here was going to the supermarket and getting a box of Ramen. I am proud to say that I've only eaten maybe two or three packets in the past month because I've been making food from scratch. It may seem like nothing, but this is a huge accomplishment for me. I look back and reflect what happened the past month I feel like I am different and more stronger as a whole. 

I am cherishing and grasping every opportunity that hits me because things don't come easily. I am working hard and hoping it will pay off in the future. I, myself, know that it will be worth it in the long run. I am ready for some more new changes and what God has in store for me. 

A new home. . .

I found out I was accepted into the program that I applied for. It was nothing more than exciting for me to find out that my hard work paid off.

One of the hardest thing for me was to say bye to my family and friends. They have been there for me unconditionally throughout my journey. I am more than happy to know they will be there whenever I need them. I am feeling so grateful, blessed, and scared. It will be a new change for me, for sure. There are so much things I have to consider such as paying rent, food, and how to live on my own. I never took granted of how my parents provided me with a home but now that I am out on my own I am yet clueless. I am not sure where to start or what I need to do. Again, I am glad I have friends who are willing to share their recipes and experience on being alone.

My feelings right now are scared, worried, and excited in a way. I try not to think about so much into the future. I just want to be able to make it through the month without struggling. I am hoping this journey will open more doors for me in the future. I believe that God has things planned for me. I went through so many different job interviews and haven't heard anything. I had the opportunity to attend a information session and later on I was able to complete the application process. About a week later, I found out I got accepted. I feel like I am living a dream right now.

I try to keep a smile and let others know how excited I am to be able to have this journey. I am afraid to tell them how scared and worried I am. When you don't think too hard about something, you just feel like everything around you is blank. When you really take the time to think deeply about situations like this. Your subconscious emotions hits you in the face. I am really scared of being alone and not having anyone but I know my friends and family will still be there no matter one. I want to prove to them that I will succeed in this program.

To do that, I will try my very best and I will not let myself feel scared or down. I told myself I am going to spread my arms open and accept everything opportunity I have and grasp on everything I can grasp on. I am just hoping that things will work out. I will slowly try to change my habits and slowly adapt to here. Many of my friends have asked me, are you excited? I tell them, more than excited. I know they all want me to succeed and be happy so I will try my best and do what I can. I will not give up so I will do everything I can to achieve my short-term and long-term goals.

For now, this will have to end. Orientation starts next week. I can't wait to meet new people. Today, when I was at the airport I met about 3 random person that I have no clue who they were but I was able to communicate with them and got to know them a little more. They don't know me but they congratulated me anyways when I told them this will be my new hometown. I am loving each and every bit of life right now because God has plans for me so I am ready to take this road.

Not Ready

I've been trying to drown myself from reality, which isn't a good idea because knowing we live in it. We all have to face it, but then there are just some things that I wish would just go smoothly. It's life, there is nothing we can do other than change it or improve it to be better. I know things happen for a reason and we should learn how to deal with it, but it's really hard when you don't know how to deal with it. I've an abnormal sleep schedule. It's to the point where I can pull a all nighter and probably not sleep for days. I think I'll still manage, I feel like sleep is not important anymore with all the stuff that's going on in my mind.

I have training at the school this Thursday and Friday for my program. I feel kind of anxious and nervous at the same time. I don't know what is going to happen, who would be there, and what it would be like. It's always the same questions that keeps flowing through my mind. I keep asking myself stuff that I can't even answer or do at this point. I've been telling myself that I do need to get back on my sleep schedule because I have morning class. I've been trying to motivate myself to change my study habits and do all the stuff I can to improve my lifestyle. It actually seems harder than you think.

I don't know where to start, but I am trying my best to cope with all the stress I have in my life before school starts. I know chances don't come often, but if I mess up again. I don't know what would happen. We all make mistakes and that's how we learn from it. I am not afraid to admit that at some point in life I didn't bother trying or just didn't put enough effort into something. I know if you're passionate about something, you would try your best to do everything you can to achieve it. I've seen it happen through many people, but I just can't imagine myself achieving something that's really important.

The struggles in life really shapes who you are, but sometimes it would just make you a stronger person. Also, I remember someone saying, "If you don't take better care of yourself, how can you take care of someone you love?" That's one thing, I'll always remember because I feel like I am don't care about myself as much as I care about others. I should learn how to put myself first before someone else. This might sound selfish or what not, but referring back to that quote, it actually makes sense.

As many say, "Life is full of many wonders and surprises." I am not ready, but I will try my best to endure what is coming ahead of me.