Sick

Not physically; just mentally SICK!

Warning: Be prepared for some whining and bitching about everything.

First of all, I am on winter break right now. All I do is work and do shit for my family, I feel like I am going to explode any time soon. I thought being in school was painful, but NOPE I feel more stressed right now then I was in school. I feel that the only thing that's causing me stress is my family. All I hear is then bitching and complaining and telling me to do this and that. In the end, sometimes it's just not appreciated. I feel like I am losing sleep and lacking memory from all this. I don't know how much longer I can take, but if I had a choice to leave right now I think I would just walk out and never come back.

As cruel as this sound, I think I'll be doing my mind, body, and self a favor. All these years, I feel like I've been slaving. After all, I know they are my parents and all but I am human. A human with two hands and two foot. One can only do so much, please stop telling me to do this and that. Just because I know how to do it or I can do it doesn't mean I will sit here 24/7 just for you and then later on have you come bitching at me about it. I am tired, I work almost 20 hours on the weekend and I still get yelled at for sleeping in just a little bit.

Well, I am sorry for not meeting your criteria maybe you should find someone else who will do all this for you. I am starting to that they feel that I "HAVE" to do it because it's my job. Well NO, excuse me. Why don't you find other peoples kids and see if they do all this crap for their family? The answer would most likely be..NO. I've given up so much and yet you feel like it's not enough. I suggested and even talked about it instead of telling you last minute that I will leave.

Come on now, I am old enough to make my choice. I don't have to make sure you approve anymore. . . I am pretty sure I will survive on my own, but you keep doubting that I won't. I am sick of you making me do this and that. I am tired of all the stress you put me through...for Christmas this year...I want you to leave me alone, so I can have some alone time.

Thanks, may my wishes come true.

Updates? I lack them.

It's been a month since I've updated. Oh boy, the past month has been like a roller coaster ride for me. It was also my birthday, YAY!? Yes, I had one of the best birthdays because of course my boyfriend came to spend time with me. He arrived 2 days before my birthday, I have to say; I had the best time in my life. Hehe, don't think so bad now, but yeah. I feel like we've bonded a lot better than we did and I feel that things are a lot stronger than before. Not giving up because this has been 3 years already believe it or not. Yes, we've gone a long way to what we have right now. I am not complain, might be bragging just a little too much.

Also, some friends from another state came to visit and we had a good time since my bf was here. They were able to meet each other and also I got to meet two new people. I feel very lucky and fortunate to have so many wonderful people in my life right now. I feel blessed for all the people who stood by my side and never gave up on me. A lot of times where I just thought I couldn't do it, you guys were always by my side. I had a month to think about what has been going on in my life.

I went to talk to my MA teacher today; I feel like she made me change mentally, just by hearing what she had to say. She pointed out a lot of goods and bads; I feel very fortunate to have someone tell me the truth and be there to help me. I will no longer look back at what I did wrong but I will be looking forward to what I can change and improve mentally and physically. It's almost the end of the month and BAM there goes another year.

I am ready to start fresh, I have 3 weeks off and I want to just relax. Get everything off my mind. Stress; good bye. Hello; new life. Easier said than done, but I am trying my best. I keep telling myself this, but never really pushed myself hard enough to do it. I am doing it now. I am not doing this for anyone because this will only benefit myself. Call me selfish or whatever, but ME ME ME is all about ME.

In order to love someone, you have to learn how to love yourself. . . :)