Wonders of Life...

Life is just too precious to just take for granted. A lot of people may not realize it, but it really is precious. Every moment lived or steps taken leaves a mark in your life. Whether you did something good or bad, it will mark you. Unfortunately, yesterday I attended my best friend mom's funeral. RIP, we all miss you. The speech that the pastor gave was just remarkable, its too hard to just put into words right now. He made me realize how important it is to live life to the fullest. Of course, there will be mistakes but that's how we learn; we learn from the mistakes we make in life and try to improve ourselves. At least, that's how I am. This was the first funeral service I've attending, and lets hope I don't have to for another years from now. My friend and I was taking about how half of the people, who showed up was only because of "guilt".

What I want most right now is to build a better connection with God. Over the past years, I've realized how silly I've been and not taken my life seriously. I want to be able to read the bible more because I want to learn more about what God has left for us. His creation is something that can't be explained. Everything he's done for us had a reason to it. I am going to find a church nearby my house and hopefully make it every Sunday and learn more about the gospels in the bible. I want to be able to reconnect with God. It has been something that I've thought about for a long time. I want to be able to open my heart to God and just have him lead me to the right way of life.

Right now, I feel so clueless. There are so much things I am going through right now and the only person I can really trust right now is God. I am sure he will lead me to the right way and I am here to follow what he has in hand for me. I will try my best to do everything I can, but if I dont succeed. I'll at least know I've tried my best. The greatest accomplishment is to at least "try" and give something a chance. I just want to have a better bond with God. Some people may not think the same way I do. It's okay because that's how life is suppose to be. I want to be able to put a smile on someones face and hopefully share with them my experiences. It may not be the best, but that is what makes "me". The person, who I am today was formed from all the past memories and mistakes...

I know, I may not have the right choice of words to say but I am trying my best to improve myself and hopefully have a better interpretation of what I really want to say.

RIP. Kim, We all miss you very much. Thanks for sharing and helping me with all the stuff I needed. I am glad, I've met you and Mikayla. Thanks again!

Business..

I thought doing something in the Business field would be something that i wanted to do rather than Graphic Design. After, taking like two classes of it makes me think twice about it again. I am still indecisive about what I want to major. I still want to lean towards the medical field, maybe I can't be a nurse or a doctor, but I still want to be able to work in the field. Right now, I am thinking about getting into the Medical Assistant program. I know, it's not anything like nursing, but it would give me the opportunity to experience it. If i like it, maybe I'll eventually get a nursing degree. Who knows? I hope I can get in the program though. This term I am only taking three classes, but it's already so hard.

I am worried that one of these days that I wont be able to make it through the term. With my parents, bugging me all the time about helping them and stuff. I find that I barely even have time for myself, I know I can be selfish and just say "no" to them, but I just can't do it. After all, they are family. I told myself I needed to pick some easy classes, but I didnt realize how stressful marketing and accounting can be. I mean, I took accounting in HS and it wasnt that bad. I guess the only difference is that, I am taking it online as opposed to taking it in class. I really enjoy how much freedom and time that I have. That doesnt cut it though.

I'll just feel more rejected from society. My life is so unsocial, its like I have nothing going on. I go to school, physical therapy, chiro, and home. What kinda life is this? I'll stay home as much as I can unless I have to go outs to run some errands. Soon, I feel that I will be anti social, or whatever you call that. I have friends, but I just dont feel like hanging out with them. People are just so fake these days. It's really hard to even tell who's true and fake, since they are so disguised. I dont even think that made sense.

Well, back to homework. Gotta think of products and more products. Then, more math and math and math. It goes on and on....

Two years already..

Two years ago, I met you online. This is the day we both made it official. It fascinates me, how long it has been. It really doesn't feel that long. Who would of thought that this would last so long and actually turn out to something so unbelievable? Everything happened so fast, but yet everything is so memorable. All those times, we've spent together leaves a great big chunk of memory. Even though, we can't see each other as much as we want, but I know one day we'll be together in each others arms. Holding on tight, and not letting go...

After all, we've been though a lot. I remember, whenever people ask us how we met or where did we meet? My mind would usually be blank because at that point I was afraid to tell them we met online through a "game". I am really happy that we've met, and how you've been by my side unconditionally. Right now, at this point, I really don't care what people think. What really matters is ....what we think of each other. I can't wait till I move, so we can be closer to each other. I've learned a lot and grew a lot stronger, myself. I don't even know, if you're reading this even though you said you wouldn't. If you're, I will or would make me feel really embarrassing for typing this up. Honestly, I feel really happy because every time we see each other or chat with each other. I feel like I am always learning something new and more about you.

One more year, lets hope that my braces will come off. The only thing that's keeping us apart is my braces, but I know we will make it. I can't wait till I have straight teeth cause then I'll be smiling and cheesing all the time. People will probably think I am some kind of freak or weirdo, but I know I'll be super happy. By that time, hopefully I'll have a major declared or even close to finishing up a degree. Right now, I am trying my best to do good in school, so i'll make you and my family proud. I slacked off once, but that wont happen again because lesson learned. I will try my best to do good in school and try to make better use of time. Anyways, this sounds really cheesy. I'll have to update this another time...:)

Reading Twilight.

I've seen both "Twilight and New moon movie". I'll have to admit, the book is WAY better than the movie. I finally got the chance to purchase the whole "Saga Collection". That's all I've been doing, either homework, reading about homework stuff, or reading Twilight. I just finished reading the first book today then I watched the movie again, and I'll still say the book was better. They cut out so many parts in the movie, especially all the good parts.

Actions are not more than words, I think that's a lie. The book is so good, so I am now reading New Moon, which is the 2nd book to the saga collection. I am looking forward to finishing it and reading the two books. I heard "Eclipse" was going to be so much better, besides I wanna finish the book before the movie comes out. Don't we all wish life was like a fairytale. Having nothing to worry about, and just enjoying all the time you have with the loved ones. Twilight has been a pretty good book so far, it keeps me up and makes me want to read on to see what happens.

It has been exactly two weeks, since school has started. Time is flying or passing by so fast. Soon there will be finals, and then the term will be over. I've been studying like no other day. I want to do good this term and maintain a good GPA. Isn't that what all college students want? I sometimes wondering how people manage to keep a 4.0 in college. I'll have to say it is pretty hard, unless you're some genius who knows everything. I mean, like 4.0 for like 4 straight years of college. That is insane! I tell you... So far, I think I am doing okay. My two online classes has been alright. Its hard not having my accounting book, but I try to get all the help I can. Thanks to the internet and the people helping me get through it.

I am alone, alone in this world. The closest thing I'll have is my brother, since we're blood related. The other day, when I driving my dad gave me the "lecture". No no, its nothing bad. He just rant on about how family is very important and how we need to stick by each other no matter what. Haven't I done enough for this family? I practically gave up so much and it seems to me like they don't even understand. I can't be around forever doing everything for them. I am trying so hard juggling school and family. It's at the point, where I only eat one meal a day or I'll just eat when I have a headache or stomach is growling. I know, its unhealthy for me.

Ever since, the car accident. I feel like things has changed a lot. I am almost always pre-occupied by school, home, physical therapy or chiropractic. I feel like I dont have time for ANYTHING, why can't I start being selfish and think for myself? Nope, that's never going to happen because I'm Nancy. I have to stop putting others first, its like where is my anger and rebellious mode? I've tried so many times to get mad or just let it out, but it's just so hard. I don't need anyone to see or know what I have to go through. I am sure there are a lot more people suffering harder than I am right now. I have no rights to complain, but all I can do is just rant on this blog.

Should I start caring who reads this? I might just be a stranger and they'll never find out who I am. I am very annoyed with my life right now. I feel so much pressure in my life and I am always worried about something. People need to stop relying on me because I can't be here forever and I can't always do everything for you. I pushed myself to the point, where I'll eventually explode on someone. I know, I am not perfect and no one is born perfect. I am trying really hard.....please make this pain go away....

Lacking Updates.

I know, I said I would update this everyday, but it's really hard. I am a full time student this term, and I am overwhelmed with homework and have to make time to study. Class, just started for about a week, and no one can I just start slacking. I didn't do as good as I expected last term, so this term I've been changing some of my study habits. I feel that, I am more organized this term and actually making time to study and do things correctly. Well, I am actually trying really hard to maintain a good GPA. I can't take my Scholarship for granted, so I must work hard.

The classes, I am taking this term are Accounting, Marketing, and Math. That's right! No writing, so I feel that I am lacking grammar. Lol, hopefully next term I'll be able to fit a writing class in because I wouldn't want my writing skills to be rusty. The classes are actually pretty hard this term. I am thinking about majoring in Business, but taking there classes makes me feel so stressed out. I don't even know if I wanna do it anymore. I know I can do it, if I put a lot of effort and try my best. Anything can be do, if you try. Right?

I thought I wanted to major in "Graphic Design". The program I wanted to get into was actually restricted, so pretty much I had to draw and research on the career. I got half of the stuff done, and then I questioned myself, "Do I want to do this for the rest of my life?". We all know, you'll only get a good job and make lots of money, if you're really good in the subject. I have never taken anything related to it, but I used to play around with HTML and Photoshop. I actually had a lot of fun doing it. I am just not too sure, if i want to do that for the rest of my life.

I am a perfectionist. I hate making mistakes, so I push myself very hard to get things right. Sometimes I'll just be lazy, but when I do something...I HAVE to get it right or else I'll just keep trying and trying until it works. Everything has to look right too, if it doesn't I just rearrange everything until I feel like its right. I feel like there is something wrong with me sometimes. Lately, I've been feeling nocturnal. It's to the point where I have to finish everything I need to do before I can sleep. Is this like some kind of disorder? Who knows....

I promised I would update this everday, but with the schedule I have now it's really hard to stick to. I will try my best to update every few days or once a week.

Hello 2010! GoodBye 2009! :)

Happy New Year! I can't believe it's 2010 already...its like what happened to 2009? Everything seems or feels like a blur to me. Time flew by... but its a brand new start for me and everyone else. I guess I am kind of looking forward to a new year. Who knows? Will this year be better than last? I have no idea, we'll just have to see how it goes.

For me, the day didn't start out so good. I woke up in the middle of the night with some major headache. I think it's because i left Twilight Audio playing all night long. That might of affect me. Weird. I woke up to the sound of my brother opening the garage door. The next thing I heard was a little kid screaming. In my head, I was like...UGH no way. I was pretty annoyed; not that I don't like kids, but I have my limits. I opened the door and the next thing I heard was this little girl saying "HIIII AUNTIE NANCY". As for me, I kept walking towards the bathroom. That was totally not a good wake up call.

Mom has been working for two days and no one's been cooking at home. I decided to go out and get some food. I tried to take sky in the car, but he kept jumping around. I drove around the block and dropped him off at home. When I got home to put him away, I felt all hot and sweaty, so i took my jacket off. Not realizing my wallet was in there, I left the house without my wallet. I had gotten the keys to the house though. I drove to the restaurant, where I wanted to get food at. That was the time, where I realized that I didnt have my wallet. If i had to drive home, it would be been 30 minutes back and forth.

I was only short about 50 cents, since my brother gave me 6 bucks to get food. I ran out to my car hoping there was change, but NOPE. I didn't realize the car door was locked because I thought I had pushed the button before I ran out. Apparently, I didn't because as soon as I pulled the lock handle of the car. My car alarm started going off. I was freaking out pushing all the buttons on my car remote. NONE OF THEM WORKED. The alarm went off for about 5-7 minutes. The worst thing is having people walk by....thinking I am some kind of car thief.

I waited for the car to stop, and drove off to get some money. I realized, how much noise it made everything i opened the door of the car. I had to wait for it to stop before i can even go anywhere, which really really sucks. My clumsy self; forgot my wallet. I drove home in a decent speed, but there was so many cars. Luckily, I made home safe. This is probably the 3rd time I forgot my wallet at home. This time I was actually ordering food...with NO MONEY. How sad can that be?

I really hope my brother would go with me to get the car fixed. School starts on Tuesday for me and I am flat broke until then. Car is almost low on gas, and bills are waiting to be paid. I'll update this again soon, next entry will probably be about school. If I dont forget to update...