Brand New Me

It's been a little over a month being at my new home and I've been adjusting pretty well. I feel like I've changed as a person. I am a lot more confident in what I have to say and how I want to express myself. I've been engaging and doing everything I could because opportunity only happens so many times. I want to be able to grasp all the options I have and knowing I tried is what really matters to me.

When I say, "Brand New Me," a lot of people may wonder what I mean by that, so let me take some time to elaborate on what I really mean. As I've mentioned in my previous blog, I've been accepted into this amazing program. There is only one thing I feel constantly is "grateful" because I am given the opportunity to enhance my hidden skills I've never knew about and being able to know myself a little more. I used to be someone who never really cared about my appearances, had very bad time management, and was not a very detailed or organized person. I have to say, this program have definitely pushed me over my limits.

I am proud to say, I dress like a professional every single day and I am at least one hour early to make sure I can do some last minute things I haven't completed or need to brush up on. People would say, "Why do you come here so early?" My answer of course would be, "I would rather be early than late." Like, I've mentioned I was a person who never really manged my time wisely, so I was constantly procrastinating (not that I don't do that now, but I am working on it) and not being aware of what needs to be done. I improved by making a list of things I have to do. For example, when I go grocery shopping I will prepare a list of things I need to buy and I try to break things down from needs/wants. 

I am not ashamed to admit, but I lived at home probably all my life. This move was definitely a milestone or biggest change of my life. I've been preparing my own meals and packing my own lunch. We all know when you work in a financial area or district food are higher than normal because business owners tend to overprice their stuff. I can't say I don't go out and eat at all, but I am a lot more considerate in how I spend my money and where I spend my money. Things just aren't the same because I am on my own and I have to take the time to figure out what is necessary and what is now. 

Before, I moved I thought I would never cook and the only thing I would cook is Ramen. The first thing I did when I moved here was going to the supermarket and getting a box of Ramen. I am proud to say that I've only eaten maybe two or three packets in the past month because I've been making food from scratch. It may seem like nothing, but this is a huge accomplishment for me. I look back and reflect what happened the past month I feel like I am different and more stronger as a whole. 

I am cherishing and grasping every opportunity that hits me because things don't come easily. I am working hard and hoping it will pay off in the future. I, myself, know that it will be worth it in the long run. I am ready for some more new changes and what God has in store for me. 

A new home. . .

I found out I was accepted into the program that I applied for. It was nothing more than exciting for me to find out that my hard work paid off.

One of the hardest thing for me was to say bye to my family and friends. They have been there for me unconditionally throughout my journey. I am more than happy to know they will be there whenever I need them. I am feeling so grateful, blessed, and scared. It will be a new change for me, for sure. There are so much things I have to consider such as paying rent, food, and how to live on my own. I never took granted of how my parents provided me with a home but now that I am out on my own I am yet clueless. I am not sure where to start or what I need to do. Again, I am glad I have friends who are willing to share their recipes and experience on being alone.

My feelings right now are scared, worried, and excited in a way. I try not to think about so much into the future. I just want to be able to make it through the month without struggling. I am hoping this journey will open more doors for me in the future. I believe that God has things planned for me. I went through so many different job interviews and haven't heard anything. I had the opportunity to attend a information session and later on I was able to complete the application process. About a week later, I found out I got accepted. I feel like I am living a dream right now.

I try to keep a smile and let others know how excited I am to be able to have this journey. I am afraid to tell them how scared and worried I am. When you don't think too hard about something, you just feel like everything around you is blank. When you really take the time to think deeply about situations like this. Your subconscious emotions hits you in the face. I am really scared of being alone and not having anyone but I know my friends and family will still be there no matter one. I want to prove to them that I will succeed in this program.

To do that, I will try my very best and I will not let myself feel scared or down. I told myself I am going to spread my arms open and accept everything opportunity I have and grasp on everything I can grasp on. I am just hoping that things will work out. I will slowly try to change my habits and slowly adapt to here. Many of my friends have asked me, are you excited? I tell them, more than excited. I know they all want me to succeed and be happy so I will try my best and do what I can. I will not give up so I will do everything I can to achieve my short-term and long-term goals.

For now, this will have to end. Orientation starts next week. I can't wait to meet new people. Today, when I was at the airport I met about 3 random person that I have no clue who they were but I was able to communicate with them and got to know them a little more. They don't know me but they congratulated me anyways when I told them this will be my new hometown. I am loving each and every bit of life right now because God has plans for me so I am ready to take this road.

A new journey. . .

I cannot express how excited I am right now but at the same time I am scared. I read my last post and it was all about graduating and finish. I walked on stage and walked down the aisle. I feel like it happened so fast because it gives me the illusion that it was all a dream. I cannot express how grateful I am at this point with all the support I've been getting from family, friends, and my bf. They've been through all my roller coaster rides through school or life. God really does amazing work. I never thought I would graduate, move to a new place, or finding what I want to do later on.  

Again, I can't express how thankful I am for everything I've been through. Today, the day I found out that I am accepted into this program that I've been looking at for a long time. I finally told myself I would apply, so I went through the application process and the interview. They told me I would hear from them Tuesday, but oh boy I've been thinking so much about it I have been dreaming about it too! It's crazy! I woke up not thinking much about getting a phone call and BAM. The good news came, they congratulated me and I immediately jumped out of my bed! I believe without the push from family, friends, and Bf. I would be no where near where I am today. 

I will be starting a brand new chapter in my life with the person I love and the people around me. It will be hard to just settle and adapt but I know within time I will be like a "local." There will be a lot of different changes, but I know God will be watching me and guiding me like he's been doing. I haven't taken public transportation ever since I got mugged. I fully believe that God is there shielding me so there is nothing for me to worry. I shall take the path that's there and go from there. It was pretty traumatizing at first, but I think I've taken a closer step to overcoming my fear of public trans. It hasn't been easy, but I've been taking steps little by little. 

No one will understand or feel the pain I went through, but I know when I took that first step back on the bus/train I immediately knew it was going to be a brand new start. I know there may not always be a perfect picture and there will be obstacles. I made the decision to apply for the program and to begin this amazing journey that I am looking forward to. There may be a few that may not agree with my decision but there are sacrifices I need to make in life. Hopefully I'll be blogging more about this journey so I can look back later on and reflect on what I did or hopefully someone will find this useful. 

Almost a year later...

The last time I've blogged on here was almost a year ago; I can't believe how time flew by so fast, and now it's gonna be half a year already. 

In less than 2 months, I will be walking down the graduation aisle and I would only have one more term left to finish up my associates degree in General Studies. I would ask myself, What am I going to do with my Bachelors degree? Honestly, I have no clue what I wanted to do. I managed to keep signing myself up with classes that keeps linking to some sorta Medical Field. Indeed, it's very interesting and I learned a lot more. I have to at first it was very hard to get used to having to always study and cram non stop with all these things to memorized. I've managed to adapt and overcome that stage.

Right now, I only have two terms left. I am taking two Psychology classes but I have to say it's definitely time consuming and a lot of reading. Also, taking a Business law class where I find it to be interesting but then again.. it's been awhile since I've taking anything outside the medical classes. This class requires a lot of opinions and facts, which is kinda challenging at times. I would read others people post and look at my own.. it just makes me feel useless or not qualified or even make any sense. I am trying my best to do what I can, i just keep telling myself only two more terms, and I know I can do it if I set my mind to it. 

I have about two - three months more to decide when I want to move because I know where I am currently at won't give me much opportunity. I am ready to go out there, explore, view things differently, and feel independent. I am definitely going to miss family, friends, and just being alone. Right now, I am trusting that God will guide me through and and show me the right path. I know there will be bumps here and there, but I know I will make the right choice eventually. 

I still cannot believe that I will be done with college. I should feel proud of myself, but then again a lot of my friends are already finishing grad school and starting up their career in the field they pursued. I know some day I will get there because everyone has their own place of doing things. 

Lately, I've been going through different phases. I can't control why I am doing that but it gives some some of self satisfaction at times, but then again there are times where I just break down and can't take it anymore. Like a lot of people say, I need to learn how to let it go or just get over it. It's really easier said than done, but I am trying my best to forget all it ever happened. I realized how someone can just play it off and pretend things never happened. That's fine with me because I know the truth deep down. Everyone can say whatever they want their because I now the truth deep down. You won't always get the truth from someone else even thought you're telling the truth. 

"Life shouldn't be like a theater where you have to act or pretend to be something or someone you're not. Be yourself, express yourself, and enjoy being who you really are."