Rants

I am lacking some because things hasn't been going the way I would want it to be. I feel it's so much easier to type than to express myself in person. I think it's a big problem. Lately, I feel like I haven't been as productive as I should be. I have no clue why but I am just feeling soo bleh. I mean it's life. All I've been doing lately is working 7 days a week non-stop. This week is I am off for about four days because it's been slow but it makes me feel like that is not the reason. I feel like there's so much more behind it.

I've been thinking a lot lately and how I can approach things differently because once things are set it's gonna marked. Right now, I am just trying to mend stuff that I broke or made a dent.

Blah, I have no clue what I even want to say.

Obligated?

I am not obligated to do my job, if I don't want to. Stop making me feel like I am "obligated" to do this because of this or that. I have a choice. I am old enough to make my own choices, tyvm so please stop making it seem like I have to confirm things with my mom. Just because I am still living with them doesn't mean I don't put out for them. If you only see or hear one side of the story, please do not assume. The last thing I need it for you to assume this or that. Please know I am not OBLIGATED to do this job.

The only thing holding me back is "guilt." I will give it another month, if this keeps stressing me out I will put an end to it. It will benefit me in many ways, probably not for you because at this point I really dont know. I put up with you enough, so I dont care what you say anymore. I kindly asked for help, but you didn't bother to help me. When I dont need help, you'll come asking me if I do? What is the point? Are you trying to make me feel stupid? I know what is right or wrong. It would be nice if you know there is a wall between us.

I don't feel the need to answer you, if I dont have to.

Enough of this vent, continue another day.

Updates.

Yes, where are they? I kinda forgot about this blog for a bit. I remember how I used to get on here just to read people's updates and stuff. Now, I feel like I've abandoned you. I am sorry, I am coming back to this blog-o world soon.

There's a lot in my mind, life, and etc. Also, there's a lot I want to say but it'll take time to decide what is first and what is not. Meanwhile, I promise I would update you more. I know I've said this a lot, but looking back and thinking how fast time flew. The only way to capture and remember all the times and things is to blog about it.

Toodles, update you later. :)

wow

I am blogging on my phone. This is so wierd...

To e continue...

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Here we go again..

Honestly, I don't know what my body wants anymore. I don't know how much more I can take; I feel like things aren't working out for me this year. There's a lot of stuff that already happened, but I try not to look too hard into it because everyone tells me things will be better. Lately, I've been feeling not so myself. I am having a hard time sleeping. I don't even know why, I've been doing a really good job keeping myself busy. I've sc'd a lot less the past few days because I've been hooked on watching gossip girls. I am slowly trying my best to just get through these few months.

I don't know when I willl collapse, but I have a sense it will be soon. I have no one to go to talk about my problems because we all have problems and I would hate to burden anyone. Feelings have been so different lately, I feel like we don't talk as much as we used to anymore... is it cause it's been so long? I feel horrible and I hate myself at times, but I am trying my best to do what I can now. I am scared to find out what will happen and I am worried. I feel like I am driving through a long road that's dark and once in a while there might be a light.

I just don't know waht I can do but to vent. . . anyone...

DROPPED!

I dropped my health class, so this term I am taking it off to think about stuff that needs to be thought about. Also, it'll give me time to plan and decided about what things will be like. Hopefully I'll get more hours at work, so I can save up some money for my move. My car getting towed...totally raped me in the ass.

I went back the other day with mom and brother, this time my brother parked the car in the correct spot and he was able to witness how many silly people made the same mistake I did. Luckily, one lady came out on time and got her car not towed but unfortunately she had to pay $100. In that case, $100 is way better then $300 right? Of course.

I have nothing to do except play games, I need to get some cleaning and reading done. I feel like I have so much time on my hands and they are not used wisely. Time to make use of my working hands. Easier said than done. I did pretty good posting everyday UNTIL yesterday I totally forgot about it. :)

Until next time. . .

Towed.

I walked out of the office and I was looking for my car. I asked my mom, where my car is? I was like it probably got towed. Then I went in to the office next door and asked, apparently the asshole was sitting outside waiting for me to go in so he can come tow my car. Just cause it's a luxurious car doesn't mean we're made out of gold. The title says it, my car got towed. How did I feel? I felt really raged and hurt. It cost me 300.25 cents to get my car back. That means the month of December working, it all went at once. I just got paid yesterday and today I have to pay for tow asshole. It's so frustrating. I asked that asshole, what about those people parking at the same spot? I find it so unfair, I feel like this year is turning against me.

I just turned 21 and there's so much I already been through from being robbed, hit by another car, and etc. There's only so much I can take, how am I going to survive my older years? I don't even know if I can make it. I told my mom I might die from a heart attack at a young age if things keep coming up at me like this. All that hard work meant nothing since it was all taken away. I feel insomniac is hitting me once again. I am trying to escape my little work and run to another but that's not working because eventually I'll have accept reality.

I really doubted myself, I thought starting a new year would be like a new start but nope I feel like the worst just started for me. It's been 4 days and so much stuff happened to me already I can't even sum it all up at once. Yes, I feel like it's just that much. I don't know what to do, God please enlighten me. I am trying my best to do what I can but I just don't know if I am going through the right directions. I made a mistake, and I know it won't happen again. I've done a lot to make it up, why is all this stuff still happening? :(

Yay

Look who's updating again? It's my 2nd day of the year, well I worked all day and now I am eating some food I bought from work. It wasn't too busy today but I did get a mini rush every now and then. The most interesting thing of the day was, I had a customer who told me experiences and stories about her past. I found it very fascinating for me to hear because it's something I've never been through or i'll never hear unless it's coming from an elderly person. She's so awesome, every time I see her she's always reading a new book. I noticed she comes in every sunday when I am working and now I am slowly getting to know her better. what sucks is that soon i'll move and I wont be able to talk to her anymore.

This lady has been through so much and I love hearing what she has to say...awesome day kinda! ;)

Relief

Happy New Year, whoever reads this. It's 2011, I honestly can't believe how time flew. I feel like I haven't done much in 2010, so hopefully 2011 I can make a big change. I have a lot of things to plan and a lot to get down. I had a long talk with my boss today and we discussed some stuff about work. I feel a lot better to get that out of my system. Now that we had that talk, I feel really guilty about quitting the job later on when I need to. I mean I don't want stay here forever and just be a bum or w/e you want to call it.

There are just some choices that we all need to make in life, as for me, I think I already made some and it's time to actually do it. I am tired of just saying it over and over again and it never happened. Tired of people's broken promise, I don't need it so go away! I am tired of putting out my whole heart and in return it's all shattered in pieces. I am sorry, that was 2010. It's a new year, so I want a new start and everything. WOAH, that was a lot of bitching again.

Oh, the year started AWWFULLY horrible. I drove to work not knowing I had a flat until a very nice customer told me. I was like SHIT, so I called up my brother and told him. Thanks to my boss he helped me pumped some air int he cold. I felt so bad, but it was really nice of him to do that for me. I feel very fortunate to have good people around me. Also, I will cherish everything and try to blog more.

I promise I will try to write more everyday or even every other day ot keep track of what goes on this year. I know this year...I have a lot ahead of me, and I can't wait to start it. :)