Thoughts. . .

This thought keeps running through my head and it keeps leading me to questioning myself. Do I really like this program and is this what I really want to do? I am still indecisive. I know in less than a month I will be done with my first term of this program. 1) I have not found my observation site because last time I tried I never got a phone call back. 2) I found another place but I just haven't called. 3) I don't really like the teacher but what can you do if that's the only choice you have.

I just don't know; this program and all the classes with it is really stressing me out to the max. I know now that I have a better understand of a lot of the Medical terms and etc. The thing is I have to be like 100% correct all the time especially with my spellings because one missing letter or misspelling will mess up the whole word. Also, I am really sick of my parents telling me this and that. I am doing full time out of my own expense, and they want me to find a job so I did. Now I realize I need to manage my time because I only have weekday to study.

I don't get enough sleep and I am always tired which leads me to missing some classes. I get sick, but I still go. I am trying my best to get through this program, but I don't even know if I can do this for the next 2 years. I already wasted 2 years; I know I can't waste anymore, I just don't know where my motivation went. Honestly, I was really excited about it. Now, I just feel like anyone else. S.S.D.D(Same Shit Different Day). I feel really overwhelmed. I don't even know where to start. My list of rant can go on and on, I can probably type about it until my hands say NO MORE.

The thing is, I knew what was coming, but I am just lacking some motivation. I really wished I had someone or a sibling who can help me study. I just really need someone that can push me and motivate me to be a better person. With all the negative comments I've been getting. I don't even know how much longer I can push back. I am not trying to be like bragging or nagging about my life because I know there are many other who's having it worst. Right now, I just don't know what to do anymore. I do stuff to keep me from thinking about reality, but we live in it so it's hard to just be away for a long time.

God, please tell me what I am suppose to do. Should I leave the program and do something I am happy with? Or is this program really for me? Will I be able to achieve my goals? I am not sure either. . . Please tell me what to do. . . I only want an answer, guide me through. I will try my best to overcome these obstacles.