Not Ready

I've been trying to drown myself from reality, which isn't a good idea because knowing we live in it. We all have to face it, but then there are just some things that I wish would just go smoothly. It's life, there is nothing we can do other than change it or improve it to be better. I know things happen for a reason and we should learn how to deal with it, but it's really hard when you don't know how to deal with it. I've an abnormal sleep schedule. It's to the point where I can pull a all nighter and probably not sleep for days. I think I'll still manage, I feel like sleep is not important anymore with all the stuff that's going on in my mind.

I have training at the school this Thursday and Friday for my program. I feel kind of anxious and nervous at the same time. I don't know what is going to happen, who would be there, and what it would be like. It's always the same questions that keeps flowing through my mind. I keep asking myself stuff that I can't even answer or do at this point. I've been telling myself that I do need to get back on my sleep schedule because I have morning class. I've been trying to motivate myself to change my study habits and do all the stuff I can to improve my lifestyle. It actually seems harder than you think.

I don't know where to start, but I am trying my best to cope with all the stress I have in my life before school starts. I know chances don't come often, but if I mess up again. I don't know what would happen. We all make mistakes and that's how we learn from it. I am not afraid to admit that at some point in life I didn't bother trying or just didn't put enough effort into something. I know if you're passionate about something, you would try your best to do everything you can to achieve it. I've seen it happen through many people, but I just can't imagine myself achieving something that's really important.

The struggles in life really shapes who you are, but sometimes it would just make you a stronger person. Also, I remember someone saying, "If you don't take better care of yourself, how can you take care of someone you love?" That's one thing, I'll always remember because I feel like I am don't care about myself as much as I care about others. I should learn how to put myself first before someone else. This might sound selfish or what not, but referring back to that quote, it actually makes sense.

As many say, "Life is full of many wonders and surprises." I am not ready, but I will try my best to endure what is coming ahead of me.